Christmas...

yes, i am teh ultimate of bad people. a go on "away" on msn so i dont ahve to talk to people, people who are my friends, adn who ahvnet wished i merry christmas to yet, but screw it i dont feel like it. its not really that im in a bad mood or anything, i mena im not, but my hearts beating really fast and i had this sinking feeling something was wrong and i dont know what. its pretty scary. i've realised that when i get nervous i write run on sentences, or wehn i get excited. or maybe its jsut whenever i write.. ehhe heh... i got really awesome christmas presetns and it was great to spend time with my family. my presetn from jaz was super at teh table, so i can finally hang out with her for more then 2 minutes. it looks like eby is going to be ok. i couldnt be happier about that. but theres still something not quite right. i talked to zaz about it a bit the other day. she had been feeling hte saem way. its like when your hungry and your getting food from the fridge but you cant seem to find soemthing that you want to eat. like your craving something but you dont know what so you just eat a bunch of random shit and call it a meal. maybe its jsut built up stress. i dunno tis pretty stupid. and i never feel like i have teh rihgt to be angry or upset, so im jsut gonna shut up i guess.

i have cramps adn i'm tierd and though i know i'm really happy lately i have this wierd un confortable feeling in my gut that things are wrong. its the same kinda feeling as when something is making you feel terrible but you cant quite put your finger your finger on it and everyone else seems to think that whateer it is is perfectly fine.
ARG